I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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