One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
