i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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