you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
