I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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