did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
