Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
