OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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