I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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