If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize