This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
