That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
