how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
