I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
