He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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