omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize