Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
