my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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