What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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