If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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