actually, I'm a sock model
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
