i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
