Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
