i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
