I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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