No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
