He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize