tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
