I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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