You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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