She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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