the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
