My first STD was from a foam party
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
