i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
