Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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