dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
