You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
