apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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