i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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