also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
