and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You have to summon your inner elephant
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
