I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
