glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
