I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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