It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
