a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
