So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
