Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
