Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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