the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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