roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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