I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Drake has all the answers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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