he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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