i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
