I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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