this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
