Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
