Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
