Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
