We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
