you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
