Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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