Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
