it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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