Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize