First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
