are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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