I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
