I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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